I Have No Idea

So, here I am. I'm stuck. At the age of 22, most people aren't that established yet, working towards building up their credentials, and/or are in school. True, most of us don't have it all together yet. But at least they have a good definition of themselves, meaning, they know who they are as individuals by now.

I don't.

Up until now, I thought that I had my life all figured out. I made plans, goals, and dates on when to achieve them. I graduated from high school and then college, thinking that I was on my way to becoming a success. I'm currently in school now, doing research in a lab, and getting ready to enroll in a Ph.D program by fall of 2012 (crossing my fingers). Yet with all of the formal education that I've acquired thus far, I still feel a void; an unfulfillment.

As far as my spiritual relationship with God, honestly, it is almost non-existant. In between me asking questions and there not being enough of the answers that I crave but aren't there, I am borderline agnostic. That's a scary feeling. I know that I need to believe in a higher power, because I don't want to face the challenges of life alone. I would like to believe that there is an entity bigger than I that is strategically placing things in my life and taking them away...all to make me a stronger person and to fulfill my life's purpose. But I don't know...and even this has left me unfulfilled.

As a child, I tried to follow the ways of my family. Be a Christian, go to college, get a good job, and make some good money. Somewhere in the midst of trying to do all that, I figured out that I'm not cut out for the too cut and dry kind of life. I want to spread my wings a little more and to not just be one or two things. I want to be a million. I want to be a poet, motivational speaker, astronaut, microbiologist, artist, dancer, musician, photographer, traveler, mentor, writer, marathon runner, astronomer, and acrobat (yes, an acrobat) plus a few other things I may add to my list in the future. Am I insane? Absolutely! I believe that doing the things of my heart's desires will allow me to reveal a lot of things about myself. Plus, I have my whole life to achieve them (assuming that I have at least a good 50 years left...wow, that's not a whole lot of time is it?) The worst case scenario is that I do all of these things (or at least some) and I learn nothing more of myself BUT at least I would've lived one hell of a life.

How do I accomplish all of these goals in 50 years (if I indeed live that long)?

I HAVE NO IDEA. But I'm going to try anyway.