Starting Over

Hello, it's been a while.

A lot has happened since my last post in February. To begin, I left graduate school. I felt myself struggling mentally and emotionally to maintain my performance. This was a disappointing and difficult decision for me to make because I had high hopes for myself to succeed at this point in my life. I may have spoken my failure and fears into existence, not tried hard enough, or finally realized that a Ph.D level program wasn't for me at the time. Either way, my decision delivered a devastating blow to my ego and confidence in myself. I left Pennsylvania, and I'm currently back in Maryland...staying with family.

The good news is, I recently got hired to work for a research and manufacturing company as a laboratory research specialist. I also began the process of getting my poetry published and recognized publicly, and believe it or not, I'm planning to market myself to the entertainment industry for the next 3 years. I also want to get increasingly involved in community volunteer opportunities.

So, I'm starting over. The rest of this year will be spent reflecting and doing some major soul searching on what it is that I really want in life. I'm also searching for peace, joy, and fulfillment in whatever it is that I choose to do. However, it is also known that these things are already found within myself. I just want to clean out my soul and be more receptive to God's leadership over my life. It's extremely difficult to give up the control, but I'm willing to try.

Lastly, I've been struggling with depression on and off for the last few years. I haven't been that open about it with everybody though. However, I've received counseling and I'm continuing to write and keep my mind busy as often as I feel that I need to. I'm a continual work in progress when it comes to prayer, meditating, and keeping my mind on helping others rather than keeping my mind on myself. I'm convinced that only God can help me with this area in my life. However, I have life, beauty (inside and out), health, and love. No matter where life takes me, I know that I'll make a positive difference in some or many areas.